I don't have many regrets, but if I could go back and change one thing about the last four years, I would have studied abroad. I've been alive for over 2 decades now, and I have yet to go...anywhere. Florida a few times, Minnesota, New England. I want to sit on a beach in Greece. I want to eat gelato in Rome and spend an hour in the Sistine Chapel admiring it's beauty. I want to drink fruity drinks on a cruise and get my hair braided in the Caribbean. I want to marvel at something that isn't a Rhode Island beach or a noodle house on Northern Blvd. I'm so preoccupied with becoming successful, being this person that I have in my head, this final "me" that I have to turn into, that I'm afraid that I'll spend all of my time preparing for my life, without ever actually living it.
Yesterday I was thinking about how scary it is that we only have ONE chance to live on this Earth. I wont get into the afterlife, because that's a whole other discussion, but I can't help but wonder: Would we live differently if we were all immortal, or if we had spare lives, like in video games? Would it make a difference? Would I care about the same things the way that I do now? Would I feel the same way about myself? Thinking about how fleeting this life is, I actually got chills down my spine. What am I waiting for? The sands of time are slowly wasting away and I have my nose in a GRE book trying to figure out what the probability is that Johnny will pull a blue sock out of his drawer if some of them are green. Who the fuck wears blue and green socks? Is he a smurf? Has HE ever eaten gelato in Rome?
I really need to see this world. Run away with me?
Last night I dreamed about the Hurt Locker for a short period of time. The Hurt Locker during Halloween... (I watched the movie, thats why). It was not pleasant. THEN I dreamed that I was a cast member in my schools annual production of The Vagina Monologues. I actually really want to do that this year! Sure, it's awkward at first, but after I see it I am always so impowered. I have a vagina, hear me roar (moan?)!! It's so great.
So, I had some distance relatives visit today, and of course now that I'm getting ready to be let loose into society, they immediately want to know all of my plans for the future. The conversation usually goes something like this:
Family Member: So, Krista, How's school going over there in Rhode Island?
Me: Good, very good. I like it a lot.
FM: Still have that 4.0??
Me: Oh, something like that.
FM: Are ya going to be a doctor? Are you going to Med School?
Me: (*cringe*) Oh, well no (I would but I hate math and science and I'm too lazy to live in hell for the next 8+ years) I'm going into Rehabilitation Counseling for people with disabilities (so I can be poor for the rest of my life.)
FM: Oh.... that sounds interesting.
Me: I also plan on eventually working on a federal level in public policy reform (Please still think I'm interesting)
FM: Oh, like for Obama?
Me: (Just lie, it's easier) Yes, exactly.
I'm absolutely devoted to disability advocacy, and disability employment. I really want to help people with disabilities individually for a few years, work my way into public policy/disability rights reform on a federal level, and eventually get my PhD and teach at a college somewhere warm. I just wish I could do all of this while actually making money. I do not know how this lifestyle will pan out when I turn into Carrie Bradshaw promptly after my 40th birthday. It's going to be really hard for me to afford that apartment on 81st and 5th on a salary of 40k a year. Not to mention the 10 thousand dollar engagement ring and traditional wedding I plan to have.
My solution: Get hit by a car/slip and fall on something owned by the city without dying, so I can collect some sort of settlement money, hit lotto, or marry rich.
Sounds pretty solid if you ask me.
I'm just going to do what makes me happy, because I'd rather do something I love and be less-than-wealthy, than be filthy rich and miserable. Besides, the best things in life are free.
...except for designer handbags, but that's not the point.